tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4945110760187129862024-03-05T03:33:35.516-08:00Stumble LoveStriving for balance, happiness and wee bit of laughter along the way of this motherhood journey...mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-36920835730110222762014-12-12T15:12:00.001-08:002014-12-12T16:28:56.150-08:00Welcoming Blessings...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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December 6th saw a full, beautiful moon heralding a moment of sweet reprieve from the unexpected astrological shifts that have been in our midst of late. Each month, a group of beautiful women in Sitka get together for a gathering of Goddesses, and this month we were saying goodbye to a wonderful friend as she embarks upon a new move. I had offered to host this gathering at my home, since it might be the last I could host for a while, being thirty nine weeks pregnant. This was the same group of women who a few weeks past threw me a beautiful blessingway, and I was happy to have the energy swirling in my space again. As we were reading our cards for the month, I felt a few contractions, but had been feeling them off and on again throughout the week, so didn't really think much of it. However, at one point while I was reading, one was enough to make me a touch unfomfortable. After we had closed the circle and the corners, I leaned over to my girlfriend, Tiffany, who was to watch Finn once we went to the hospital, and whispered, "You may want to keep your phone on you tonight..."<br />
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Everyone left around eleven, and Reid came home soon after. I told him I had started to time contractions, and that they were already three minutes apart and lasting a minute. Perhaps we should call the hospital, and just let them know we may be heading in the next hour or so...Tiffany arrived, and after breathing through a few good contractions, we loaded into Meriwether, who had just been picked up that very day from the shop, in good working order.<br />
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As we arrived at the hospital, I had my labor stones ready, massage oil with neroli for optimism and jasmine for efficient labor. Before I was allowed in the labor tub, the nurse checked, and said she didn't think I would be able to use the tub, for I was already 8 and a half centimeters dialated, and that she needed to call the doctor straight away. I was almost flabbergasted, it was only 12:30, one and a half hours after when I thought labor began. We got my labor crystals set up, put some You + Me on the speakers, and got to work with contractions. The doctor came and said everything looked great, and that he believed the little guy would be here soon. Two hours later, it was time to push, and as with Finn, I felt no urge to push at all. When I told the doctor this, he said that if I decided not to push at all, the little one would still come, so I was free to do whatever I pleased. For some reason, this was the most comforting thing I could have heard. I said I knew I was getting close because I was getting really scared. One contraction I literally screamed to where someone came to check on me. The doc just smiled at her and said we were fine. I was so impressed by the lack of concern, and the confidence of this doctor just to leave things alone to happen. One push on the squatting bar and he said the next push we were going to have a baby, and he was right, the next push, at 2:51 in the morning, Oliver Duncan Brewer came sliding into this world. Four hours of laboring, and two pushes. I can't believe what an incredibly uneventful, uncomplicated delivery it was. At four, I told Reid he could just go home and wake up with Finn and bring him over with breakfast.<br />
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Finn's reaction to baby Ollie was sweet. Baby Ollie had a brought a gift for Finn with him, so he was excited to get a book all about Big Brother Finn, with an inscription from Oliver. That week he had been talking of how Mama was going to go to the "doctor, and the doctor would pull out Baby Ollie, then Mama will have a NEW BABY!" So when he came in and saw, he said, "The doctor pulled out Baby Ollie?" Tentatively curious. But when he got to bring some popcorn after dinner, hop in bed with Mama and Baby Ollie and watch Yes, Virginia, I think he thought things were gonna be alright.<br />
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In the week since he has been here, I can't believe how wonderful recovery is when you don't have complications. The hardest part is taking it easy and not trying to do too much. The other thing that has struck me profoundly, is how expansive love is. It really expands so readily to new life, that it seems like there is actually more for everyone here, instead of being difficult to balance time and energy and attention. I'm sure as time passes there will be moments of struggle with that, but for now, we will just bathe in it. And witness Super Dad as he gets to spend so much great time with Finn, seeing them grow together is one of the most heart warming things ever. His intuition when Finn might need a little extra loving, or rough housing, is amazing. And Finn's desire to help with Oliver keeps him busy and involved. We haven't seen a speck of jealousy yet, and will just try to let them all grow together.<br />
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The only one who is still quite tentative is Squid. She is very careful, and stays a good distance unless we invite her to sniff the new wee one. So she gets extra walks and outdoor play with Dad and Finn, and extra pets from Mama for now to help her adjust. All in all, things are almost as good as they could possibly be, and once nursing gets ironed out, we will be smooth sailing from there, to enjoy the next chapter of the life of our young family. Life is so good.mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-75133642760976920322014-10-28T16:57:00.002-07:002014-10-28T17:02:48.075-07:00A letter to the New Wee One... Having Finnegan enter the new phase of toddler-dom sure doesn't lend itself to many new blog posts, and now that we are expecting a new one in just over six weeks, I'm interested to see where it leads us as well as far as staying connected with loved ones more far than near...<br />
That being said, we are expecting the last addition of our family on my birthday, December 14th, and cannot wait to meet what the ultrasound technician is expecting to be another lovely little boy! It's been a little harder to really connect as much with this little guy in utero while adventures abound day to day with the not-so-wee-one, but the moments come in tiny breaths here and there...and here is a small one while the boy naps...<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">beautiful artwork by Megan Duncanson</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Dear Little Bird,</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> I cannot wait for you to arrive. Your big brother is waiting patiently, he is very excited to teach you to run and throw a ball and somersault through the living room. He asks often "How is Baby Ollie doing??" I worry about the balance in those first few months between you and him, but I know we will make it through and grow wonderfully as a family. My wish for both of you is to grow to know the true power that lies within kindness; to discover what makes you passionate and happy in this world, in this lifetime, and to follow your heart with it. To grow happy, healthy and whole. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> I am so excited to watch you grow into who you are meant to become, and to see the differences between you and Finnegan. To discover how we all fit as a family together in this world. I wish for you to always know how loved you are, and how important you are to this world around you. To revel in the beauty of this world and time and space we exist in, right here, right now. I am honored to get to laugh with you and discover this world with you all over again.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> I love you and we'll see you soon,</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Mama</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> As the holidays begin to approach and </span>these last few weeks fly by, I'm trying to take in the last few precious moments of Finn's as the only child. To look closely with him and to snuggle in a little closer and enjoy those last few moments until the equilibrium is shaken and comes to again. Excited, nervous, in love with our family as we begin to grow together, complete. The feeling that comes with that notion of completion (Reid and I have always thought to be a two kiddo family...) is one of absolute calm and peace and contentment. Now we get to simply exist together. And the feeling is lovely.</div>
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<br />mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-90221141778334093842014-05-22T01:57:00.003-07:002014-05-22T02:15:27.042-07:00The Microcosm of Parenthood...<style>
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It struck me tonight, in my random meanderings
as I lay waiting for the wee one to drift off after story time, just
how magnified our shortcomings are when the little ones come along.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because we want to model to our
children how to view the world, or handle certain situations, or come to view
as normal behavior of the opposite sex, when we fall short of these ideals we
have for ourselves and for them, it’s so embarrassingly, glaringly obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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I have a tendency to be pretty socially awkward, many times
on the verge of anxiety, because I have a real tendency to say the most
randomly awkward things without thinking them through, or to not say anything
for entire conversations…I also have an overly analytical thought process that
tends to take things very personally…and I have a hard time letting old
situations go to make room for new opportunities and growth…ah, the list could
go on…</div>
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So when I think of the things that I want to model for wee
Finnegan: courage in the face of new social situations while still listening to
his intuition....the practice of self love and acceptance and forgiveness (and with my overly
analytical inner critic this is a CONSTANT PRACTICE.) and facing those scary
situations, well every situation really, with humor and compassion, and without
taking things personally….seeing the best in everyone, being
present to what is going on in that moment…</div>
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I can see these things I want for Finn as direct opposites
of what I perceive as my shortcomings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Many things I’m not worried about, I’ve got those down: working hard for
goals that you want to attain, setting a plan of action for adventures and
going after them passionately…when I know there’s something I want to do or
achieve, I’m a go getter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the
small details that hang me up, and that become mountains under that
microscope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Within the microcosm of parenthood, they become the big things, the important things, because they are the every day things...But what else they do
is provide tremendous opportunity for a constant practice on who I want to be,
because who I want to be is what I want to model to my kid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that is something that I’m pretty
thankful for, because it was really easy to skate by before parenthood hit me…it’s
exhausting, and humbling, but it’s really why having kiddos makes you a better person.<br />
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mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-32644238399241133872014-04-19T05:24:00.000-07:002014-04-19T05:26:37.154-07:00Finn Day Number Two...<style>
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Dear baby Lionheart…geez.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The time really does fly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can now say, “I love you, Mama,” and I don’t think I’ll
ever get over the feeling that overwhelms me when I hear it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart is so full.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You try to wink, but can only get your
right eye to shut part way just now, and the result is this beautifully crooked
smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You like to cheers every
drink you have with someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At
museums, you walk around with your hands clasped behind your back, it makes you
look like this teeny intellectual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You like all kinds of kisses: butterfly, Eskimo, cheek pinching, fishy
kisses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You seem to be sensitive
to when others are upset, I’ve seen you on more than one occasion go up to
someone who was crying, take their hand, and lead them to some activity, the
piano, the play kitchen, and try to engage them in some play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A lady at church, who you led to the
piano, found this very noteworthy and made a point to find who the mother of
this child was to tell her of this, and of her gratitude for your sweet energy.</div>
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I pray for you to grow up to find your true, authentic voice
in this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To find what makes
you passionate about life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To see
the sacredness in all living things that we share this amazing home with for
such a short time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To think
through the bullshit that swirls around us much of the time, and to find the
truth that lies hidden close by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
know how loved you are.</div>
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For your second anniversary of this life…we had a small
winter celebration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A winter
picnic with soup, sledding and cupcakes with a few friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We explored the snowy forest and found
an amazing tree fort tucked away…we listened to chickadees and redpolls, and
threw snowballs, and took sledrides through Creamer’s Field, one of Mom’s
favorite places in the Interior. Daddy came up for the weekend, and it was a perfect, lovely celebration. Happy birthday, Finn. I love you.</div>
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mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-15032307530473065332014-01-02T07:13:00.000-08:002014-01-02T07:24:50.696-08:00Finding a Tribe of my own...<style>
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How do you find your tribe in today’s society?</div>
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As I’ve been home with Finn for nearly the past two years, I
have struggled with my decision to be a stay at home mamma at times, questioning the
“quality vs. quantity” of time spent with my little guy, and wondering how our
journey will evolve so that everyone feels completely supported and loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> In my bones I know home with Finn is where I'm supposed to be, and d</span>on’t get me wrong, eighty-five percent
of the time I spend laughing, splashing in puddles, drawing on windows and
feeling gratefully blissful as I sing Finnegan to sleep at naptime…but every so
often, I get kicked in the gut with impatience or frustration, and a deep
loneliness and yearning overtakes me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It has opened me to reflection on how I want to grow on this journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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One thing that has struck me very recently, is the lack of a
tribe in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The village it
takes to raise a child is comprised of Reid and me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While we are the best team I know of, it sometimes doesn’t
protect me from that loneliness of<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>physical isolation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Part of
it is simply being in a new community, finding my small place on an Alaskan
island.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Part of me wonders if it’s
just society today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are raised
so independently, and have such autonomy over our own lives, but perhaps that
comes at a rather lonely cost at times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Many of us no longer have aunties and grandmas close by to help give
advice and encouragement, simply by their physical presence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To want to be with and see our kiddos,
for those indulgent breaks from parenting before we feel overwhelmed and need
that break to take time for own sanity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time away from Finn scheduled after I’ve felt
overwhelmed somehow carries a twinge of guilt for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Over the holidays, hosting guests in our home, I was struck
at how heart warming and encouraging it is to see other people love on your
kid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That seeing others
experiencing joy out of being around Finn was one of the most nourishing things
for me to experience as a mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
witness the effect he has on people close to us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It also made me realize that those experiences are very rare,
for we simply don’t live around family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
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This year, I am deciding to find ways to nourish and support my tribe. For Finnegan, for me, for our family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> To engage the tribe that I do have around me, just not physically. </span>It will have to be
unorthodox, and I will have to get creative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Three aunties, three uncles, and three grandparents, all
living afar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two best friends who
live afar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A new community filled
with some of the best people and mamas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An amazing extended family who I sometimes feel I
barely know, yet love to death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This will be my journey of the year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I want to connect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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I’m kicking if off by spending a quarter of a year with my parents in
Salcha.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While Reid finishes his
Ph.D, something that will be great for his soul and sanity, I’ll be hanging
with grandma and grandpa, as well as doing a little theatre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m curious and excited to see how we
find ways to incorporate family, our whole family, into our everyday
lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is, perhaps, my New
Year’s resolution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps it will
be through handwritten letters exchanged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or collaborative Skype calls with the whole family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or more scheduled vacations just
hanging with family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or elaborate,
extensive family reunions…I’m up for it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s start a conversation about it, at the very
least.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want my mommies (both
Reid’s and mine!) and sisters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know we get on each others nerves half the time, but I’m really wishing we
could all be on the same block.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
that is impossible, we’ll have to get creative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m open to suggestions as to how anyone reading this might
foster that sense of “tribe” in their lives.</div>
mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-45369300122143788312013-08-01T13:07:00.002-07:002013-08-01T13:13:13.340-07:00A Letter to my Cynic<style>
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The last few months have been really tough for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve struggled with my own faith, faith
in humanity, faith in the direction our world is being sent to by the apathy of
our choices, or lack of…and struggled with my own seeming insignificance, the
weight of what seems like never being able to do enough to help the plight of
our Mother Earth, and the hopelessness of that struggle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it all seems so much more dire with
a tiny bundle of light and love who truly represents limitless possibility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve also been struggling to find a
balance of intention, energy, faith and tangible action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems like they cannot be mutually
exclusive: without faith, your tangible actions will never seem enough, there
will ALWAYS be something more you could have done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to have faith that your path is meaningful and
thoughtful, and that your choices are what you can do with the information you
have at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And without
tangible action, one cannot rely solely on intention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Intention is the seed, but action helps water it into a
mighty oak that will have the meaning and impact you long for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
have a terrible inner cynic…she says to me…</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Go
ahead and have whatever you deem as “faith” that things can get better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If that helps you sleep at night, do
what you need to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But don’t
turn your head for a second, or you will see the truth of what humans are doing
to this planet, and you will know there is nothing to be done.”</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“People
have known about these things for so long, you will never get the general
public to see the benefits of simplicity and to abandon this consumeristic,
disposable culture we live in; or the corporations to look at anything other
than a bottom dollar, it is nothing you can have an impact on with your small
existence as a mother at home.”</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
really could go on and on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
sends me into a spiral of depression of doubting my very existence on this
planet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That seems pretty
abstract, but that is what keeps me up at night these days.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>And
then…</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Recently,
while talking to a dear friend of mine, I thought…as I say these things, I am
also saying them to Finn, and about him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That HE can’t make a difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That there is nothing for him to do but wallow in pity and shame for
what our species has done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the
part of me that longs to be hopeful and optimistic takes great, great offence
to that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like mama bearish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like I will kick the shit out of you
for saying anything like that to my son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There in lies the conundrum…how to get that hope back, that honest hope
for the future, that will inspire our children to be the problem solvers we
need, without riddling them with guilt over what we have done up to this
point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We
need to address our cynics.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
is simply no room for cynicism, it will do nothing to bring about the change we
need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has been useful to me,
because she has called me to own up to my choices in this world, and to our
choices as a global community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Okay, done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s move
forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I decided to write my cynic a letter…</div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">
</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">Dear Lady of Cynicism;</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">
</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"> My
name is Sarah the Lionheart. I
come from the part of Sarah who longs to be hopeful, who longs to radiate
optimism and hope for the future generations of children, who stand to make a
large difference in the world. It
is only with the confidence and love from us that they will grow to their
fullest potential, otherwise they stand to continue this cycle of hopelessness,
from which inaction springs.
Nothing will get any better from inaction, and since that comes from the
hopelessness of cynicism, I have come to let you know that you have worn out
your welcome here, residing in Sarah.
For when you say those things, you are also saying them about her son,
and that is a deal breaker. This
will not happen, and you will no longer have room in her spirit. The only thing you do is paralyze her
and keep her from realizing her fullest potential as well, and she cannot move
forward with you here. Thank you
for getting her to take a good realistic look at where we currently are, and to
inspire her to take action NOW. To
proactively find ways to nurture her faith in the Universe. To keep up with the small changes in
behavior that will turn the current nature of society into one of love for our
Earth, and stewardship for each other.
You have done your job. It
is time to transform your energy into something creative, something positive,
or vacate the premises immediately.
</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">
</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">
</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"> Sincerely,</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;">
</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"> Sarah the Lionheart</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div>
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My hope is that this is the first step in coming out of the darkness. And that if it shows up again, to revisit this and find the light before it hits me so hard. This journey is messy, dark, frightening, and impossibly beautiful all at the same time. </div>
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mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-17484978986016496202013-06-14T13:26:00.002-07:002013-06-14T13:28:32.461-07:00First Recommended Read: The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> <span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So
it’s been awhile since I last read a novel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even now that sounds so very indulgent…I think the last time I had
chunks of free time to read, I was in the final trimester of pregnancy, and was
reading <i>Ina May’s Guide to Natural Childbirth</i>, and <i>Chopra’s Guide to Holistic
Childbirth</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After Finnegan came into my
world, little blurbs of time were spent scouring various child development
books, checking milestones and looking ahead to what we could expect in the
upcoming months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now that things have begun
leveling out (sometimes) with regard to household management (um, I mean
Domestic Goddess rituals), Mommy-ing, and Mommy time, I ran into this gem of a
novel at the library, and fell in love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The only difficult part was having to put it down when I heard the
distinct rumblings of Finn waking up from nap time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaG2eMXr_3G2T-xlq_Kj8XmJ1dekpfuWm-NFzL4L08wP_3O2zKq8q-2dEwubjT0UUzaZGb5NpZpI9sVLxEkhEiQs2sxtt-omjxH5Iq26XZQc1TNuWi67TZeEpqFffezlm8WqTgcm9oviA/s1600/book.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaG2eMXr_3G2T-xlq_Kj8XmJ1dekpfuWm-NFzL4L08wP_3O2zKq8q-2dEwubjT0UUzaZGb5NpZpI9sVLxEkhEiQs2sxtt-omjxH5Iq26XZQc1TNuWi67TZeEpqFffezlm8WqTgcm9oviA/s400/book.JPG" width="263" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Eowyn Ivey’s <i>Snow Child </i>is part
historical fiction about homesteading life in Alaska during the 1920’s, and
part folktale based on a Russian myth of a “Snow Maiden” found in the story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In it, Mabel and Jack have relocated
to the harsh Alaskan landscape, in search of a new start after a tragic loss of
an only child during the last trimester of pregnancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despair, exhaustion and melancholy is taking hold of them
both, but in a brief moment of happiness they create a small snow child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next morning, the child is gone, however,
they begin noticing a small girl flitting about the forest, able to survive in the
woods by herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the story unfolds,
it becomes a tale of desperate longing to believe in hope and renewal. It also shows the evolution that parents must go through of wanting to care for and
protect their children, but ultimately the need to believe in their capabilities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It also reveals the hardest thing to do, as a
parent: to release them to the universe to create their own lives and happiness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a tale of such sorrow, but ultimately
of such hope, that will make you cling to your loved ones with ferocity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Darkly whimsical, while being true to the brutal realities of early homesteading life in Alaska, it will haunt you
long after you put it down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> If you happen to also be from Alaska, it will make you proud of the roots that have been put down by those who came before you as well. I'm so glad that the first indulgent use of my time was reading this book.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-2663935933460800782013-06-07T23:11:00.000-07:002013-06-14T13:29:06.487-07:00Transplanting...Sitka Bound.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> How
do you leave a place you have grown to call home?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A place where you know when and where the
sorrel and boletas and wild rhubarb are ready to pick, and follow the seasons
of the flowers during the summer months that nourish your soul?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6cE8OvAcHHzrCmKuVDLAClK0-nVXc_2HSWSmzHKzwdgoD1Asf9F89SzERXae3H17vH0FmJf-mqwmYgY-LQCIoey23txzprsaP_WwtBIGFOw2j54eiL5OstScI9Hqe8gfU03LYNMLBWGI/s1600/harvest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6cE8OvAcHHzrCmKuVDLAClK0-nVXc_2HSWSmzHKzwdgoD1Asf9F89SzERXae3H17vH0FmJf-mqwmYgY-LQCIoey23txzprsaP_WwtBIGFOw2j54eiL5OstScI9Hqe8gfU03LYNMLBWGI/s320/harvest.jpg" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel as if we’ve decided to rip our roots
up and try to transplant, although not sure if the weathering process will do more
damage, or make our leaves stronger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
this town we became a family. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were
married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bought a home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Decided to start a family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Survived the loss of our first pregnancy, and
welcomed a beautiful light into the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Here I met kindred spirits and became an artist and played music and
found a voice for myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are not
simple roots offshot, but tap roots dug deep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How do you transplant without a little of the ends being ripped
off?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel so intimately connected to
the windy tundra of these hills, that the rainforests of Sitka seem dark and
scary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But something about that fear,
and the leap of faith required of this next adventure also makes me feel
alive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes me acutely aware of
everything I’ve ever taken for granted here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It makes the colors brighter, the wind sweeter, smiles more friendly,
and it makes me treasure hugs and conversations from friends more than I
thought possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you see me grocery
shopping and you ask how I’m doing, only to have me start crying in front of
you, please don’t be alarmed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not a
negative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s good to love so deeply
that you are heartbroken when it begins to come to a close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if it is to a place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I am definitely heartbroken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am hopeful, and grateful, excited and
heartbroken.</span></span>mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-27816358970146504112013-05-19T23:35:00.000-07:002013-05-19T23:35:55.963-07:00My Absolute Favorite Times of the Day...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQcf1jXqaBAnfNjivm9t9Nf3LcV0ycH7YM_CJ5Yfo2v5ji1b7D6TAWsYWaK38qyrQNGJpFifcHDKC8d79IWN0J_1tZ4kVG5GmNBEZsfbmR4QrVSlrZN7I3yZIO-BHf_YjvUK30omODtZg/s1600/napping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQcf1jXqaBAnfNjivm9t9Nf3LcV0ycH7YM_CJ5Yfo2v5ji1b7D6TAWsYWaK38qyrQNGJpFifcHDKC8d79IWN0J_1tZ4kVG5GmNBEZsfbmR4QrVSlrZN7I3yZIO-BHf_YjvUK30omODtZg/s400/napping.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Finnegan is not a particular cuddle bug. He always has me in sight, and he will light up the world from across the room with his sideways grin, but he likes to be off on his own, exploring, watching. He has a corner of the couch that he naps on, with an old stuffed dog with one eye named Wizard from my childhood, my version of the Velveteen Rabbit, and a quilt made by an old friend of my mother's, Miss Flo, who he never got to meet before she passed away. Usually I take this moment to read, or sit with a cup of tea, or meditate. I cuddle up on the other corner with my quilt, giving him his space to move, and just watch his beautiful face, peaceful. It gives me hope and faith in the universe, that I am exactly where I need to be at that moment, and all is well in the world. <br />
He'll nap for exactly an hour and a half, and start to stir. He'll roll over, peek up, and then put his head back down for a few seconds. He'll groggily sit up, eyes glazed, and peer around the room for me. Then his eyes will meet mine, and I'll get that sideways smile. I'll hold out my arms, and he'll crawl over to me, nestle in, and nap for about fifteen more minutes. These are the most treasured fifteen minutes of my day, along with the song I sing to him as he's falling asleep in my arms before he goes to bed for the night, a song by the Wailin' Jennys called Arlington:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Where do you go little bird, when it snows, when it snows</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>When the world turns to sleep, do you know, do you kn<span style="font-size: x-small;">ow?</span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Is it something in the wind, breath<span style="font-size: x-small;">es a chill in your hea<span style="font-size: x-small;">rt<span style="font-size: x-small;">, and li<span style="font-size: x-small;">fe in your wings?</span></span></span></span></span></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Does it whisper start again, start again?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Where is the sun in the night? Is i<span style="font-size: x-small;">t cold, is it cold?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Do<span style="font-size: x-small;">es it feel left behind, all <span style="font-size: x-small;">alon<span style="font-size: x-small;">e, all alone?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Does it wander through the night, does it wait for the da<span style="font-size: x-small;">wn, w<span style="font-size: x-small;">ish on a star?</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Does it stray very fa<span style="font-size: x-small;">r, very far?</span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></i><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></span> </span></span></span> </span> </span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></i><span style="font-size: small;">In these moments, I f<span style="font-size: small;">ind the <span style="font-size: small;">answer to the <span style="font-size: small;">elusive meaning of <span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: small;">existence</span>.<span style="font-size: small;"> Perhaps it comes ea<span style="font-size: small;">sily <span style="font-size: small;">to others, and yes, I've heard it over and over again: lo<span style="font-size: small;">ve. But to ac<span style="font-size: small;">tually feel it, all bundled up with the<span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-size: small;">opposing feelings of such intense hope, fear, longing, and contentment in those moments is noth<span style="font-size: small;">ing shy of remarkable. I love you<span style="font-size: small;">, little boy.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div>
mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-23714969023054065272013-05-13T23:14:00.000-07:002013-05-14T00:13:02.623-07:00The Evolution of a Journey.... I never knew if I would be a good stay at home mother. I never really knew if I would be a good mother, period. Many people, family and friends had a lot more faith in my hypothetical abilities than I ever did. When Reid and I decided to take the huge leap of faith into parenthood, we chatted about what I would do, work or stay. I had just completed a Master's degree in Education, was certified to teach Theatre, Biology, and Elementary school, and was at the very beginning of a promising career. The general consensus was to give it a shot, stay flexible, and see how it went.<br />
<br />
The first evolution of this journey to stay home with wee Finnegan was seeing if I could keep him alive for any length of time. This tiny bundle, who couldn't even hold his head up, couldn't focus his eyes to things more than a few feet away, and totally dependent. It really gave me something to focus on, everything was a blur, especially with initial nursing woes. I counted days in three hour increments to the next nursing session. I couldn't think too much about anything because I was so focused on solving the breastfeeding dilemma, changing, rocking, adjusting to this new, mostly wonderful, but extremely difficult existence.<br />
<br />
The second big evolution came when Finn started moving independently. This brought such new fear and insight into my views of myself as a mother. Some days it seemed as though we would just get by, narrowly dodging one near death experience after another. But, what was more of a challenge, and the biggest one so far, was how to keep this little being engaged and entertained aaalllll day, while keeping my sanity. The days that didn't go so well, I plunged into wondering if this had been a good idea. I heard all the voices of people I knew saying, "You're going to be such a fabulous mom, you're so creative!" and I felt as though I was failing. Some days I was just too exhausted to think of things for him to do. He would get, it seemed, bored, or frustrated, and start being an inquisitive boy....which would take the form of digging into houseplants or the toilet or heater...my attitude would shift for the worse, and it went downhill from there. Reid would come home, I'd be totally burnt out, and he would let me go play piano or hike for an hour to recharge. It was this part of the journey where I really questioned whether staying at home was right for me...perhaps being around the same individual too much was not that great a thing. Perhaps going back to work, getting a nanny or sitter, would be better: I'd be happier, knowing that I was doing a good job at a job with very defined objectives, I could come home and be totally energized because I had missed Finn all day, and be ready to play for a few hours before bed time. Quality may trump quantity, right? Still, this felt, to me, as the easier way out, and I plunged into self doubt and insecurities as an engaging, creative, energetic parent. If I'm honest, at its worst, I thought it might be better if Reid find someone else who could be a better mother for Finn.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrA7AdA5ZllE19QXnepkkflNyH6a_F6Mm-AxgIPSh78VKBVRf3kwppI0tWqmQhBc9gQlM2jRobp1GeRxF77_JBFIwThVUVQGies4mMJ-z7o1h8VmtFCXqqI-_f3UzEQ4hm460axfP4Yxw/s1600/alice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrA7AdA5ZllE19QXnepkkflNyH6a_F6Mm-AxgIPSh78VKBVRf3kwppI0tWqmQhBc9gQlM2jRobp1GeRxF77_JBFIwThVUVQGies4mMJ-z7o1h8VmtFCXqqI-_f3UzEQ4hm460axfP4Yxw/s320/alice.jpg" width="175" /></a></div>
</div>
Hmmm....<br />
<br />
As I hit this bottom, and spent more than a few days really questioning what the hell I had gotten myself into, and where I was to go from here, something just recently started evolving from it. I started finding those creative ways to engage and entertain both Finn and I, slowly, almost out of emotional necessity for survival...and I believe, it was only by sticking through this seemingly bottomless pit of self doubt, that I was able to come out of it. I started being able to notice subtle nuances of when he seemed able to entertain himself, how it sounded when he was starting to need a little extra stimulation, and almost intuitively, start to become that mother I wanted to be. I still have such a long way to go, but I feel this heavy cloud lifting. By sticking to this commitment I made to stay at home with him, and pushing through what has been the hardest part so far, because it was dealing with MY issues, not his behavior challenges, I am starting to see the light. And I would never had seen the glimmer if I wasn't in the darkness, so I have to be thankful for that. This has been my journey of staying at home; messy, glorious, dark, frustrating, and very beautiful. By engaging in it, and committing to it, I feel in my bones that it is the right choice for my family, and me.<br />
<br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">In the end, being
a mother has been, without a doubt, the hardest thing, I have ever
done. It has made me question our existence, ponder the state of the
world and humanity, at times quite morosely, and question if I was
really ever meant to fill such a large role. In the same moment, it has
offered me glimpses of such profound hope and love that I could do
nothing but cry. It has filled me with gratitude <span class="text_exposed_show">for
the souls that we are lent for the short time we are here. I still am
not close to having some of the answers I seek, but I will not, can not,
stop seeking those answers. Being a mother has awakened that quest in
me, and I am thankful for that. </span></span> <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-60343376893766240192013-04-14T05:56:00.001-07:002013-04-14T05:56:35.991-07:00Sunday Prayer - April 14th, 2013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUZTXHVBJgjQC2jvSKeon_0nxfbiJIveO4kMkylGWBv7WHFmN1MlCyCwzeBQ-66zTUGFgM1dkgbngyrbhYzE7C4Qsuawyy6LvdvBHfuMW-A9iaTrykfry3vmXkMeahmltlx3JGHRTOOzU/s1600/Finnsmile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUZTXHVBJgjQC2jvSKeon_0nxfbiJIveO4kMkylGWBv7WHFmN1MlCyCwzeBQ-66zTUGFgM1dkgbngyrbhYzE7C4Qsuawyy6LvdvBHfuMW-A9iaTrykfry3vmXkMeahmltlx3JGHRTOOzU/s400/Finnsmile.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Thankful for tiny fingers and eyelashes. For sideways smiles and giggles. For the way Finn looks around for me when he's playing, just keeping me in sight, it makes me want to cry. Thankful for patience and love from family and friends. For people giving each other the benefit of the doubt, and for kindness and smiles in unusual places. Kindness seems to be one of the most powerful things in the universe. Give it freely, and you can completely change someone's day. Withhold it, and you can make someone feel so alone. I am thankful for kind people. I pray that I can be a force of kindness in people's lives. I pray for strength to keep my optimism alive. To see the good in people. To see the good in me. To see the good in the world. </div>
mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-2896834348013177042013-04-10T21:36:00.001-07:002013-04-10T21:36:39.333-07:00The Days...<div style="text-align: justify;">
It feels like some days the energy is buzzing with love in my home...Finn is smiling and giggling, I am almost (and sometimes literally) dancing around doing the housework, and then I look around, the sun is shining through the windows, an upbeat bluegrass station is playing on Pandora, the house is clean, everyone is happy, and there is time and weather to take it outside for a hike or play with chickens. These days are amazing. Adventure is to be found everywhere, and the Restless Spirit is, for the moment, completely content. </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Then there are days where I feel as though I'm barely staying caught up, and days where I'm simply NOT at all. Where frustration is pretty prevalent, blood pressure is a little higher, and the Restless Spirit is having a tough time in the midst of Domestic Monotony...there is a lot of resetting, deep breaths, and mantra repeating.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I'm trying to meditate and ponder on what makes these days different. What is it that contributes to the down days, and what can I do to at least ride out the lulls, if not completely jump out of it and into a more cheerful disposition. For Reid's and Finn's sake, at the very least. I haven't come up with an explanation on what contributes to the lulls, I'm sure it's any number of things: lack of sleep, the latest bug going around, Mercury Retrograde, gloomy weather, hearing someone being mean or judgmental to anyone, etc...sometimes we are all just out of sync. Nothing else really, just off timing. Like three watches ticking away at different intervals on different wavelengths, with three people trying to catch up to the other one. Nothing to be done but accept it, laugh about it, and move on. I wish there was a day time reality TV show that showed "A Day in the Life" of mothers these days. How they manage it all, and get through the "out of sync" days. I would totally get in to a show like that. Real Housewives isn't cutting it for me. Most days we do one episode of Andy Griffith, my hero, and listen to Pandora the rest of the time we're inside. There is something so blissfully simple, so innocent and good, about The Andy Griffith Show, that just has me in love with everyone...nostalgia is a powerful thing, but I digress...</div>
<br />
So, a few of the things that really help me kind of snap out of it, and I'd love to hear any others you may have, are:<br />
<ul>
<li>Dancing, dancing, dancing. This is the cure all for me. I put on Micheal Franti or Tom Petty on Pandora, and let go. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Finn usually nurses to nap, and is pretty easy about letting me move him to his corner of the couch to finish sleeping after he's done. If I'm having a rough day, though, I will just let him sleep in my arms for as long as I can, just studying his little face. This is another cure all for the Messy House Blues. It gets me back to the present moment, and what's really important.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>A few pages of Calvin and Hobbes. Again, nostalgia is working in my favor here. As a kid, I used to find a little of myself in both Calvin and Hobbes. Now, I totally see myself as his mom. But this comic really calls my attention to the vastly different world of children, and allows me to be more empathetic with Finn if he's the one having a bad day. And I know what he's doing all day. I can't imagine putting this into perspective when he goes to school... </li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxLlgY4ZiiW4JM7Q-3ai37nMV8HuKRBTUNowERICAIcZV3vG-DEOjLkXyRWw9yMZ2RgBbH3LwAvxZlGIhAhdwJDS4jZ_dN8ccT1MQgG9nGAp2FLvn0uT0UTE8qF8qF94HsOCajxUpSE4k/s1600/calvin2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxLlgY4ZiiW4JM7Q-3ai37nMV8HuKRBTUNowERICAIcZV3vG-DEOjLkXyRWw9yMZ2RgBbH3LwAvxZlGIhAhdwJDS4jZ_dN8ccT1MQgG9nGAp2FLvn0uT0UTE8qF8qF94HsOCajxUpSE4k/s400/calvin2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<ul>
<li> Meditation, or prayer. I love the saying that praying is how we talk to God, and meditation is how we listen to him in the silence. A combination of these two work wonderfully for me. </li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Getting outside. Even if it's putting on full rain gear and standing in a storm in the driveway for five minutes. There is something deeply cathartic about nature.</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Just a few things that work for me. I was chatting with a girlfriend today, thinking that I'd been at this parenting endeavor for over a year now, some days I feel like I should have a better handle on it. She assured me this isn't the case. So for any of you feeling the same way, you are not alone. And I keep repeating the mantra...love. It's all about love. If you genuinely want the best for your child, and are doing the best you can, that's all that can be expected of you. The rest is just details. And enjoying those dancing-love-buzz days when they alight upon you magically.</div>
<br /><br /><br />
mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-31855123632509141872013-04-08T09:38:00.002-07:002013-04-08T11:07:36.619-07:00Every Day Choices for a Better Future<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIelKLUmK2Vx6hDZvESrDVqt7vQNdS2SQrZ_dTKMWIqvsrAk_cinVBwkFMEX6On5RFLvwhZ5vd6xDm7TI1orz8hprSTpZKozlkSxDTIUQKRzgH6KTXVWPx3Uv5tbfFdl-mxMYvZdTp0EM/s1600/diapers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIelKLUmK2Vx6hDZvESrDVqt7vQNdS2SQrZ_dTKMWIqvsrAk_cinVBwkFMEX6On5RFLvwhZ5vd6xDm7TI1orz8hprSTpZKozlkSxDTIUQKRzgH6KTXVWPx3Uv5tbfFdl-mxMYvZdTp0EM/s400/diapers.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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As a parent, and fellow Earth-dweller, I’ve been really
struggling with how to go about my days feeling as though I’m contributing to a
better place for my children with my day to day choices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I passionately want to instill a love for
nature in Finnegan, without proselytizing to or embarrassing him, or pushing it
so hard that he doesn’t want to partake in these decisions or be thoughtful
about his choices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know, he’s only
one, and I have a bit of time before we start having in depth discussions about
our choices and their impact on the environment, but I feel like it’s never a bad time to start thinking about these things…and
I wanted to share the choices I’ve committed to that have helped me to start
feeling more sustainable in my parenting, and regular life, choices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </div>
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I feel like as long as it’s not a preachy
thing, it’s just the way we live our lives, it won’t be too much; it won’t push
him away from it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No question, no
argument, these are just the things we do because they are good for our Mother. If anyone has other choices they make that really help them create a more sustainable lifestyle, I would love to hear them! But here are some things that I really try to commit to:</div>
<br />
<ul>
<li>Banning the plastic bags at the grocery store...when I started trying to do this, I would forget my canvas bags often, and just say, "Ah well, next time." But one day, I just thought, "Damn it, Sarah...this is a behavior change. If you forget them, turn around, go back and GET THEM." And it only took turning around to go back and get them once or twice, and now I don't forget them. The newer canvas bags that they sell at Safeway are pretty flimsy, but there are always thick, awesome canvas bags at Second Blessings for sale, or <a href="http://www.clothbag.com/The_Cloth_Bag_Co./Cotton_Bags.html" target="_blank">here</a> is a link to a great store that makes awesome quality bags in the U.S...I just made the commitment and stuck to it, and I feel better every time I'm at the store. </li>
<li>Banning plastic water bottles. I still have to get Reid on board with this. It was the same thing...it only took getting thirsty and not having my bottle once or twice and saying "Tough. You don't use plastic water bottles. Remember to bring one next time." And the behavior was changed. These two things are not even an inconvenience anymore, they are just part of the routine.</li>
<li>Cloth diapering...this is more a good choice where I live because we have no shortages of water, but we do have a terrible shortage of landfill space. And drying on the line, the flats look like a prayer flag for the Earth.</li>
<li>More fruits and veggies, less snacks in boxes, and less in the landfill.</li>
<li>Buying in bulk and freezing batches.</li>
<li>Washing out plastic ziplock bags...I'd like to try to see how long I can use one box!</li>
<li>Less toys, more getting outside with Finn. Finding our own "sensory boxes" out in nature. </li>
</ul>
If you have any other ways you are able to incorporate more sustainable practices into your parenting, I'd love to hear them! mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-70002852488450112492013-04-07T12:08:00.000-07:002013-04-07T12:08:11.350-07:00Sunday Prayer - April 7, 2013<div style="text-align: justify;">
Dearest Earth Mother,</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Spring comes and goes in the air in the Aleutians, but the rhubarb is coming up, as is the mint and the chives, signaling rebirth once again. I am grateful for days when the weather is calm enough to take Finn to the beach, and thank you for the wonderfully mild winter we had this year. It was good for my soul to have walks to Summer's Bay, watching the seals and otters, as well as the sea birds and sparrows flitting about on the dried puchki. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPkYURy8eJwYNJ80tY_9knppBFJVlkzFVi7CwZpBrTrk5satbZkKBco-kOtbyJIQnVljEeb1SAbG-HCxb6NXIWJsqdbIGzitoVEvjIpp-UrfbZRNynRxrmBxGVuGGlMPjboOoHwtBpJTM/s1600/mother.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPkYURy8eJwYNJ80tY_9knppBFJVlkzFVi7CwZpBrTrk5satbZkKBco-kOtbyJIQnVljEeb1SAbG-HCxb6NXIWJsqdbIGzitoVEvjIpp-UrfbZRNynRxrmBxGVuGGlMPjboOoHwtBpJTM/s320/mother.jpg" width="180" /></a> My heart is heavy some days when I think too much on the apathy people have towards you, and the hopelessness it seems to begin the healing process in taking care of this wondrous place we live in. I pray that you give humanity time to become aware of what is really important in life, and send you white healing light to surround you and the diverse creatures and plants who are at the mercy of decisions we make, both globally and individually. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I thank you for the grass between my toes, for the rosy finches that Finn loves to watch out the window that join us for lunch most days, for puddles to jump in, and the wind that signifies impermanence in everything, and our continual evolution. May it be in the right direction to sustain us and our brothers and sisters in the world.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
Father of the Heavens,</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I pray that you enter the hearts of humanity and plant the seeds of empathy for your magnificent creation, so that we may take better care of our Mother. Please make us more thoughtful of the choices we make, and the implications they have on our world around us. Let us slow down and take time to look at the beauty and find hope in the upcoming Spring season. Give our leaders wisdom to make the right choices for us as a global community, not just what is best in the short term. Give us the commitment to make small choices in our every day behavior towards more sustainability, more empathy, and please give me the hope that I can make a difference in the world with my actions. Help me to make decisions in my parenting that will inspire these beliefs in my son, that he may be part of the generation that saves the world. Help me to be inspired with what I see in the world, instead of downhearted.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Thank you for the stars and the moon in the heavens that teach me of the vastness of the universe, as well as the order of it in the ebb and flow of the constellation cycles. Please let me feel hopeful of the direction we are going, and make me a part of the positive change. </div>
<br />mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-18820008422986908292013-04-05T11:13:00.000-07:002013-04-05T14:26:04.189-07:00Triumph! CHOPSTICKS!!!<div style="text-align: justify;">
Who ever knew these small wonderful tools would be such a lifesaver...the other night, Reid and I were eating Caribou Red Curry, trying to let Finn eat portions of it on his own by himself, and good pieces of 'bou were going right to Squid...not that she minded in the least! Reid and I were eating with chopsticks, and I don't know why I thought of it, but I just picked up a piece of meat with the chops, and offered it to Finn, and he thought it was the greatest thing in the world! He must have eaten three quarters of his meal with chopsticks, it was a miracle. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAClvdg_qTdbORkSWCH7I7pHnTLiVT0kKcJ8RIqMPXTu0Rt-Yo5qCbP1hRT4JL45psz22Uf01f-nH8qNy1pPJqsZc2CD_4xVj_SlJkHkSi3KdCaUVaPPpUckCAGJQo-_vyhZ8rK7VHmb8/s1600/sticks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAClvdg_qTdbORkSWCH7I7pHnTLiVT0kKcJ8RIqMPXTu0Rt-Yo5qCbP1hRT4JL45psz22Uf01f-nH8qNy1pPJqsZc2CD_4xVj_SlJkHkSi3KdCaUVaPPpUckCAGJQo-_vyhZ8rK7VHmb8/s200/sticks.jpg" width="200" /></a>Not knowing if it was a fluke, a few days later he was being picky about this beautiful apple omelet I had created for him. I get discouraged when I put so much effort into making him culinary masterpieces; where is the appreciation? I NEED my positive reinforcement, damn it!! Anyway, I thought of these little gems, and got out the chopsticks...he immediately smiled and giggled, and ate the entire plate...the rays of sunshine came shining through the clouds, the angel choirs started. </div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
I try not to use them too often, more like, when we need to go soon and don't have a lot of time and he decides then to experiment a little more with gravity and texture. I love letting him get messy and experimenting, don't get me wrong. I also like when he eats. I know that this year eating habits will fluctuate, and not to worry, but man, I fell in love with two little pieces of wood the other day, and stuck that little gem of a tool in my tool chest!</div>
mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-34480553901618288762013-04-05T11:12:00.002-07:002013-04-05T11:12:21.811-07:00Triumphs in Nutriment<div style="text-align: justify;">
Wow...one year olds are tough to
feed...we've been blessed with a fairly good eater, however, we've had
to exercise our patience skills when experimenting with gravity, and
throwing every last bloody pea on the floor to watch it go into the
dog's mouth...wastefulness is one of my all time biggest pet peeves,
couple that with minor control issues that I'm still learning to let
go...breathe, Sarah, breathe....thankfully, we have worm composting and
chickens that we can throw the scraps that even Squid won't eat. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
But
I wanted to have a page to share a few victories that really worked
well for little Finnegan. We are Baby Led Weaning moderates...we'll
mash up things every now and then, but overall we try to let him feed
himself and play for the second half of the meal, after he's gotten a
bit of it down. And if it's starts to go on the floor, we'll give him a
few chances and then off it goes, he just has to visit for a little
while. As long as he's not fussing, we're not fussing.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Happy nourishing! </div>
mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-70508056877066793672013-04-04T17:00:00.001-07:002013-04-05T11:22:54.706-07:00Finn Day Number One!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWuI6kkFHpjQ7uFkVzLmyhuTbfgcf93-Qor7frFEAi-_jT7R1lu13ePVcFhCYWjrjgPiTQmzJD8qCFRJYeI8q9rOXACpb89T2YerkFxGJ2VxUYlHk5NNoTtqs7j9G_XUolBx2nzFlL-DA/s1600/finn6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWuI6kkFHpjQ7uFkVzLmyhuTbfgcf93-Qor7frFEAi-_jT7R1lu13ePVcFhCYWjrjgPiTQmzJD8qCFRJYeI8q9rOXACpb89T2YerkFxGJ2VxUYlHk5NNoTtqs7j9G_XUolBx2nzFlL-DA/s320/finn6.jpg" width="320" /></a> I struggled a bit with this first birthday…ideas on how to
keep it low key.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had fears of kiddos
running out of my house with little baggies of plastic crap, all of it landing
squarely in the landfill, and thousands of years from now having evidence of
this birthday still not biodegrading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
never struggled with real post-partum depression about Finnegan, however, I do
suffer now sometimes from a low grade pessimism about the state of mankind, and
the universe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I start to think about
it too much, I feel like one of those fifth graders whose teacher shows them
pictures of dead sea turtles and ugly beaches on Earth Day, which research has
now shown only makes kiddos feel hopeless instead of inspired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel that way if I start to think too much
on it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do my small part, but it is so
easy to feel as if your small part is too miniscule.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hard part is, change can only happen on
an individual basis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The rearing of
thoughtful children and the saving of the planet is a slow, arduous process
that takes time and patience. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, what
we ended up deciding on for Finn’s inaugural birthday into the world was a
Cardboard Party…with a small burning man taking place afterwards to rid
ourselves of the decorations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Besides,
they say kiddos enjoy playing more with the boxes than they do the presents,
right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfqeFOWQk3lI0ScjGLlBM4mVjKBGqLN7YGOgJYKgJy4ZGnPEnDIa60YjU1ewxjB0Zx1uam_yQ5dplq3fm044hLCqFkVgy1Y-2FXHkFZ9cCA3LuX3ESBzjQQVfp9GYNsSB111oCYSlvKpE/s1600/finn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfqeFOWQk3lI0ScjGLlBM4mVjKBGqLN7YGOgJYKgJy4ZGnPEnDIa60YjU1ewxjB0Zx1uam_yQ5dplq3fm044hLCqFkVgy1Y-2FXHkFZ9cCA3LuX3ESBzjQQVfp9GYNsSB111oCYSlvKpE/s400/finn.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgn8jViV9fPihxM6aI4v0dgCGm-5xq1H_Cnj3nQw_Zw_QnlDmBwv7R_q0PEaGEqrh3NrxLxNIVzO7ZnRw-0W-RCvFOneO0bWB0KB3ZdCLb-OtwoUK6fZ-dj5GxLB63Us7an-trPBDcYaU/s1600/finn5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgn8jViV9fPihxM6aI4v0dgCGm-5xq1H_Cnj3nQw_Zw_QnlDmBwv7R_q0PEaGEqrh3NrxLxNIVzO7ZnRw-0W-RCvFOneO0bWB0KB3ZdCLb-OtwoUK6fZ-dj5GxLB63Us7an-trPBDcYaU/s320/finn5.jpg" width="213" /></a> </div>
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It turned out to be a huge success.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We started with a tunnel built around the
table, and a car to pull the babies around in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Stars hung from the ceiling, and the cardboard they were cut from was
put in the windows, a two-fer decoration deal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>His name was in the window, and each guest got to take a star home with
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was certainly a birthday I
could feel good about economically, as well as ecologically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like I got Mother Earth Advocate
points to add.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although we requested no
gifts, we still got a bucket load.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
open to ideas as to how to deal with this in future birthdays!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps requesting everyone brings a bag of
dog food to donate to an animal shelter, or a shell or piece of beach
glass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really am looking forward to
years to come where Finn and I can brainstorm together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not that I’m not grateful for the thoughtfulness;
we simply do not need it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This year has
been about downsizing…in a 950 square foot house, this has been more out of
necessity, but has been a blessing in disguise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>With added awareness comes more frustration, though…especially with a
baby, and all the stuff that comes along with it.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkg4TMYsdBDMASb1yNcwY9H2qtOOprGc868gJ2QqnXRCvo-xgWz9zg2nYaghq8IzrPTz2gNvWahmN5H3Mtpj7p7Eth6HIA8g8QPUHJ30cLwk2xs_07-8PEFsJa1eOJ1ZEKfqMNOuAbTiQ/s1600/finn3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkg4TMYsdBDMASb1yNcwY9H2qtOOprGc868gJ2QqnXRCvo-xgWz9zg2nYaghq8IzrPTz2gNvWahmN5H3Mtpj7p7Eth6HIA8g8QPUHJ30cLwk2xs_07-8PEFsJa1eOJ1ZEKfqMNOuAbTiQ/s320/finn3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLH6DxSYYi5eJIVkGmp2dN6qKb8Z38-8j5Eol1_TgQI99FUKR9IY3g51pgkQHjZdD-FeiRzC8w5l2ih4lF8RKJVwHYPUpivAIqZicVyWK_Ytv5oUpF_mc-MNbwl4gXPkVNXbMnUDuGC_U/s1600/finn4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a> In the end, a lot of love was in the air, and I simply cannot believe this year has gone by so fast. In the blink of an eye. The happiest of birthdays to the other love of my life. </div>
mrs.brewerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00245588249230094668noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-494511076018712986.post-71677110233521177262013-03-14T16:40:00.001-07:002013-03-14T16:59:01.629-07:00Inaugural Post... Well, here goes...at an attempt to keep my creative sanity, I am delving into the world of blogging. A sea of mothers who offer their insight and witty humor and recipes, here's one more to add to the mix. Perhaps not as witty...or insightful. More stumbling through this whole motherhood thing I've plunged into. Everything was expected to an extent, except for of course how bloody hard this whole thing would be. Balance. Always striving for balance. Trying to salvage in iota of some semblance of my own identity and sanity...while fiercely loving and worrying about this wonderful, pooping, smiling creature that resides with me now. Trying to maintain these ideals I have of leading a more sustainable existence, simplifying life while adding to this small, beautiful family I have existed with for the last five years, and trying to laugh as much as I can while I stumble through this amazingly difficult, hilarious journey I've been bestowed with. So here goes...another mom blogger.<br />
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