The last few months have been really tough for me. I’ve struggled with my own faith, faith in humanity, faith in the direction our world is being sent to by the apathy of our choices, or lack of…and struggled with my own seeming insignificance, the weight of what seems like never being able to do enough to help the plight of our Mother Earth, and the hopelessness of that struggle. And it all seems so much more dire with a tiny bundle of light and love who truly represents limitless possibility. I’ve also been struggling to find a balance of intention, energy, faith and tangible action. It seems like they cannot be mutually exclusive: without faith, your tangible actions will never seem enough, there will ALWAYS be something more you could have done. You have to have faith that your path is meaningful and thoughtful, and that your choices are what you can do with the information you have at the time. And without tangible action, one cannot rely solely on intention. Intention is the seed, but action helps water it into a mighty oak that will have the meaning and impact you long for.
I have a terrible inner cynic…she says to me…
“Go ahead and have whatever you deem as “faith” that things can get better. If that helps you sleep at night, do what you need to do. But don’t turn your head for a second, or you will see the truth of what humans are doing to this planet, and you will know there is nothing to be done.”
“People have known about these things for so long, you will never get the general public to see the benefits of simplicity and to abandon this consumeristic, disposable culture we live in; or the corporations to look at anything other than a bottom dollar, it is nothing you can have an impact on with your small existence as a mother at home.”
I really could go on and on. It sends me into a spiral of depression of doubting my very existence on this planet. That seems pretty abstract, but that is what keeps me up at night these days.
Recently, while talking to a dear friend of mine, I thought…as I say these things, I am also saying them to Finn, and about him. That HE can’t make a difference. That there is nothing for him to do but wallow in pity and shame for what our species has done. And the part of me that longs to be hopeful and optimistic takes great, great offence to that. Like mama bearish. Like I will kick the shit out of you for saying anything like that to my son. There in lies the conundrum…how to get that hope back, that honest hope for the future, that will inspire our children to be the problem solvers we need, without riddling them with guilt over what we have done up to this point.
We need to address our cynics. There is simply no room for cynicism, it will do nothing to bring about the change we need. She has been useful to me, because she has called me to own up to my choices in this world, and to our choices as a global community. Okay, done. Let’s move forward. So I decided to write my cynic a letter…
Dear Lady of Cynicism;
My name is Sarah the Lionheart. I come from the part of Sarah who longs to be hopeful, who longs to radiate optimism and hope for the future generations of children, who stand to make a large difference in the world. It is only with the confidence and love from us that they will grow to their fullest potential, otherwise they stand to continue this cycle of hopelessness, from which inaction springs. Nothing will get any better from inaction, and since that comes from the hopelessness of cynicism, I have come to let you know that you have worn out your welcome here, residing in Sarah. For when you say those things, you are also saying them about her son, and that is a deal breaker. This will not happen, and you will no longer have room in her spirit. The only thing you do is paralyze her and keep her from realizing her fullest potential as well, and she cannot move forward with you here. Thank you for getting her to take a good realistic look at where we currently are, and to inspire her to take action NOW. To proactively find ways to nurture her faith in the Universe. To keep up with the small changes in behavior that will turn the current nature of society into one of love for our Earth, and stewardship for each other. You have done your job. It is time to transform your energy into something creative, something positive, or vacate the premises immediately.
Sarah the Lionheart
My hope is that this is the first step in coming out of the darkness. And that if it shows up again, to revisit this and find the light before it hits me so hard. This journey is messy, dark, frightening, and impossibly beautiful all at the same time.